Chips don't go well with King Prawns

The elbows arranged a team to play in the wsm sponsored charity sevens held at Wimbledon rfc. It was in aid of STEM4 which is a charity aimed at improving teenage mental health by stemming commonly occurring mental health issues at an early stage.

The entrance fee was kindly donated by Geoff Elbrow and his company Wash 'n' Vac Systems and so we we're known as WNV CHIPS. Team consisted of:

1. Alex Elbrow (c)
2. Harry Elbrow (vc) ego himself
3. Matt Staunton
4. Alex Cannon
5. Nathan Wood-thatcher
6. Henry Colyer
7. Ryan Dupe
8. Kyle Smith (player-specialist forwards coach for 7s)
9. Lawrence Penfold
10.Michael Mason (water technician)
11. Chris Gould (topless model)
12. Rich (matts friend from old reigatians who hasn't played in 5 years)
13. Will Wadwa (scumbag from Sutton and Epsom)

Coach: Ed Elbrow
Vice coach: Ed Bush
DoR: Geoff Elbrow
Chief fluffer: Rio Mark
Naked cheerleader: Nigel Thatcher

Day started early with all arriving at raynes park train station around quarter past 9 with Boris and Kyle surprising eating in Gregg's apparently they were fuelling for the days struggles. While we waited for others we had a quick pit stop in ladbrokes next door to 'use the toilets'.
All then jumped on the free minibus to the rugby club.
The other teams arrived and it was then realised that we may have underestimated all opposition as we had 7 forwards in our squad and only one sevens specialist in Harry Elbrow.

The teams were Baltic exchange, worple virgins, wsm wolverines, thunder cats, ruts warriors (old ruts), Rae 7, palmers, old Whitgiftians, London Cornish, London Japanese, Kingston, King Prawns (kcs), Chineham Lions, CC warriors and caterham rangers ( old cats and john fisher school).
We were placed in Pool B with our new surrey 1 rivals Old Whitgiftians, WSM Wolverines who were the charity team and our rivals from a few seasons ago London Japanese.

We all put money into the kitty to get the jugs in but was then talked around by messiah Elbrow to see how we got on, we lost it was the jugs or we won and remained tee-total. The only problem was we beat Old Whitgiftians in the first game very convincingly and then had an hour till our next game so off went Matt, Ed to smoke back in their breath.

After a well drilled warm up that wrighty would of been proud of under coach middle Elbrow and his assistant crutches we did the Auckland square proud. Next up was London Japanese who took the biscuit with their squad size around 20 , we owed them after being cheated against them 3 years ago in the reigate fun day final. We quickly dispatched the exiles with a rather funny incident where Matt was nearly slide tackled before the footballer pulled out Matt nearly decided to fight him before putting the ball down but we talked him round.
So the beer kitty was still untouched.
Another hour and then a massive warm up of pass the ball in a circle.
Last match of the pool stage and with such a superior points difference the pool was basically already secure for us to top.

That meant starts for our BTEC team with Boz and Kyle leading the team against hosts and organisers WSM Wolverines. we weren't expecting much but strolled into a commanding lead with Boz scoring under the posts with conversion as well.
With the game secure and our game makers Kyle,Boz, cannon not really built for sevens they tired in the second half but the game was already secure in the first half.

So with the team we had weren't exactly looking to play seriously but we had played 3 and won 3 and was the only team with a 100% record. The money was still sitting in the coaches pocket. People went off for a lovely double bacon cheeses burger and lamb skewers washed down with pimms and finished with a 99 with flake. We were next up against Baltic exchange in the cup quarter final they were much better than us at sevens but we were much better at playing 15s style rugby which meant we would take contact and have a support runner ready to receive the ball. Special mention to Harry Elbrow who tackled like a man possessed and turned down the chance to play for surrey that day to turn out in the royal blue and gold hoops. The commitment from everyone was tremendous and we won by 2 points.

So players at chipstead not so much commitment;
Pat Kisz (broken finger nail)
Tom Colyer (golf)
James Mann (cricket)

So this rambled team of 1st team forwards and 2nd team players (aka Matt) had gone further than we had hoped or really wanted as we had all wanted to be passed out drunk by 4pm.
Semi final time and we had King Prawns who were the sevens side of KCS old boys who will playing London 2 rugby next year. They were a class outfit in the games we had seen although the kit was a bit on the rascal side with baby blue and hot pink. The game didn't start as we would of liked when in the act of scoring there first try, Harry elbrow hurt his wrist preventing them from scoring. So we had lost our only player who wanted to play the sevens way and we seemed a bit lost and were 3 tries down in the first half.
We were quite pleased with only keeping them to 3 tries and we're hoping we could at least get one. We won the second half 3 tries to one and just ran out of time as we were battering them with our own unique approach to sevens rugby.

So an end to our tournament and king prawns went on to crush thunder cats in the final. We all went and got showered and changed into our glad rags for the festivities. The awards were presented and we finally got to have our gold liquid in numerous jugs. We didn't leave the rugby club until 10.30pm, we only lost Lawrence,cannon and woody to their beds as were 20 strong including our coaching staff and groupies till the half ten round up of the rugby club, this included boat race victories over posh Wimbledon birds and the golf ball being placed in a full jug by a girl, see that would be a waste if it wasn't our big headed guest player from Sutton and Epsom, Will Wadwa loves chipstead so much he even got top try scorer for us. He was a state and kindly helped by Kyle and Matt was stripped and made to finish the jug. The only problem is there was no handly located black bin like there is at chipstead so Kyle improvised with a empty jug. it was this point where Matt decided him and his 2nd team half back partner Chris should do shots of will sick. After that we retired inside to the band who were brilliant for bushy and crutches they have more air miles than Richard Branson.

10.30 came and we jumped in the cabs to Wimbledon to continue the party, where Henry our player of the day realised he was gone and decided to call it a night a real shame but he evening wasn't over as he woke up in faux hall, silly boy.
I went to get a chicken royals from Burger King while all the other quickly made it to the wether spoons apart from bushy who I managed to catch up with even though I was waiting in the queue for 10 mins, although I reckon he is quicker on crutches than he is on the pitch. There we mingled with all wonders of the earth which included dwarfs and hagrids brother. On to 'poonanas' which makes our usually haunt 'elements' of Epsom look like Buckingham palace we all fell out around half 3 not shocking that Boz was the last out.

Still had time for one of us to start on a fellow cab waiter and our chief fluffer to start as well.

All in all a great day and evening.